Showing posts with label essays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label essays. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Lust for Life


It’s funny how as the pace of life speeds up, we as humans slow down to compensate. I’m not sure if this is a good thing, or if it simply complicates the process; but as so many haggard old men and jaded adults tell me: “It is what it is.”

Moving so slowly myself, it’s near impossible for me not to notice this cycle of cause and effect. Over the past two weeks or so everything has become a whirlwind of activity and pine and turkey and driving and Santas. After spending nearly a week straight in my van touring Virginia, haggard seems like a very good word.

Of course we move slower; when faced with a whirlpool or cliff face, you tend to cling onto whatever piece of stable ground is in sight. You don’t want to fall, you don’t want to die. Even humans who have nothing to live for tend to actively avoid situations where their sanity and wellbeing will be tested. We like safe, we like known... even if we don’t know why.

Amid all this transitioning and insanity, around the time when Thanksgiving was transitioning into Advent, Quentin Tarantino began to come up a lot. I really have no idea why. Perhaps it was the release of his 20th anniversary box set containing all his films, or maybe he was just coming up in conversation more naturally... but I suddenly found myself holding conversations about him with my girlfriend, Leslie, and my old film buddy from college, Jeremy.

With Leslie, I expounded on Tarantino’s unique flavor of dialog and tone, and how similar it is in many respects to Flannery O’Connor (which Leslie had just been sharing with me). They both have a very strong ear for conversation and ethnic colloquialisms, and both add sudden spurts of violence to their stories to punctuate themes and ideas.

With Jeremy, I reminisced about the time we had gone to see Tarantino’s WWII epic, Inglourious Basterds in theaters together, not realizing that we were witnessing film history. The movie singlehandedly launched Austrian actor Christoph Waltz’s career, and once again threw Tarantino’s hat in the ring with such filmmakers as James Cameron, the Coen brothers, Peter Jackson and Pete Doctor. Of course, neither of us could ever forget that opening scene.

It was a given that since he came up more in conversation, the films I began to watch in my free time (which I tend to have to much of as of late) we mostly his. I began with Death Proof, then worked my way through Kill Bill and Reservoir Dogs, leading up to his masterpieces: the afore mentioned Inglourious Basterds and, of course, Pulp Fiction.

At this point, I realize that a lot of you are wondering where I am going with this, and perhaps even a few are offended by my love for such a “twisted” man as Tarantino. Allow me to explain: As I began to rewatch his films, I also started looking up interviews on Youtube and watching mini-documentaries where he talked about his work. The wild look in his eye might disturb some even more than the gratuitous violence of his films; it suggests that he is either constantly huffing cocaine, or that he had a serious case of untreated ADHD. Whatever the case may be, the wild look in his eye and gregarious gesticulation of his hands always punctuate whatever he says. The man is larger than life, but more than that.... he LOVES life.

And then it hit me, say whatever you want about his films, I want to be more like pointy jawed, foulmouthed, interrupting crazy man. Why, you ask? Because I would bet good money that there is not a day of the year where he wakes up disappointed or clinging to that last bit of solidity the day before. I would bet that each morning when he walks up, he says something to the effect of:

“Hot DAMN it feels good to be alive! Booyah! I get to make movies and hang out with awesome people and it’s totally ******* awesome! You know? I think I’m going to get myself a tasty beverage to wake up!”

His enthusiasm is infectious, and despite the fact that he may be a sub-par filmmaker, I firmly believe that it is his boundless enthusiasm which inspires those that surround him to do their best.

It reminds me of my history and math professors in college. They might not have been the best in the world, and I was most definitely not the best student, but the energy that they exuded in class infected my being. I excelled in those classes, not because the professor cracked a whip over my back, but because he loved what he did.

Anyone can be “good” at what they do, not everyone can LOVE what they do. Take for example the Apostle Peter. Poor Peter was pretty much just bad at life, he backstabbed his friends, he sliced off people’s ears and just made a general fool of himself... but there was something in him that Jesus saw that many others probably did not have: the Love. After Christ’s death and resurrection, Peter became the most vocal and prolific of all the Apostles (save for Paul, who came later). He offended, healed, preached, and probably drank and sang his way through life, never abating from the cause of Christ. Even his final request to be crucified upside down was for the Love. He loved Yahweh, and it showed.

How many of us live mediocre lives of mediocre excitement? Far too many, I would hazard a guess. The trite, cliched piece of inspiration might come in the form of: “Be the best you you can be.” But that is truly a chiasm from hell.

Instead, do it for the Love. It will make you jump out of bed, plaster a smile on your big dumb face, and cause everyone you meet to wonder what the hell has gotten into you. And you can tell them firmly that it is not hell, it is the Love. You did it for the Love.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Concerning Hobbits (Becoming an Adventurer Part III)

One of the problems with resolving to start a new adventure is of course that sudden realization that this is a pretty big deal and that it might involve blood and stuff. Blood can be fun occasionally… as long as it is not coming out of you. That is sort of the opposite of fun; although it makes for great stories afterwards.

But you can never see those stories before they happen, and your mind somehow finds the incredible ability to focus only on the negative aspects of going on an adventure. There is that temptation to just sit and plop down on your front step just after striding out the front door with so many good intentions.

Recently I read through the Hobbit to my little sister as a bedtime story over the course of three weeks or so. In addition to converting her into a Tolkien fan, I also found reading the story to be immensely convicting. Suddenly I found myself more closely related to Bilbo than ever before, his feelings on life the universe and everything. Often times during the day I find myself being sucking into the narcissistic hole of Facebook, watching my “friends” who seem to be living their lives while I... stagnate. And I'm jealous, but not nearly jealous enough to actually go and live my own life and have an adventure. "Horrible, nasty, uncomfortable things... make you late for supper!" the Baggins side of me screams.

I have grown so complacent and soft lately that the Took side of me is all but completely repressed. I no longer listen to it, and now the Baggins side is all depressed anyway, because staying in my Hobbit hole has gotten dreadfully dull. No one visits, no one really wants to since it's so gloomy in here. Every so often someone will come in from the town and make his way up my steps and knock on the door. I don't really want to answer it anymore though. For as soon as I do, they will simply let loose with a tirade of words and platitudes about what I am doing wrong. They will offer advice, books, words, pithy little sayings. None of it will help though. I know this.

The Baggins in me curls up, crosses his arms, sits on the floor and pouts. Not very polite or gracious, mind you, but he does it all the same. It's my father at the door. He wants me to go on an adventure. I continue to glower at him. He has all the audacity and spirit of a Took and all the practicality of a wizard. He is odd and I don't understand him, but all the same I cannot deny that he is a far greater hobbit than I am... sitting here moping and whining.

He's had many adventures, and I am quite sure that he has only told me a handful of all the tales he has been a part of. He's fought dragons and goblins aplenty, been in wars in far off lands, won a beautiful woman and then raised me... a little terror who now refuses to take his advice or even grace him with polite responses.

"Cheeky little sod."

I look around. That was most definitely not my father. He's off in the town planning his next adventure while I sit and sulk. It's coming.... from the Took. He had remained quite for so long that I had nearly forgotten he existed. He starts pushing me… he starts punching and kicking until I pick myself up from the front step and take another. It’s a small one, but it is a few feet further from my doorway.

As I continue to move away from my hole, the steps becoming easier… my stride becomes longer. I start to drop some of the bags I was carrying… I want to walk faster. I want to feel the grass fly between my toes like a smooth, shock-resistant carpet. I want to feel the wind howl by me like a freight train.

It has begun. This Took will have stories to tell when he returns home.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

How to Eat Humble Pie (Becoming an Adventurer Part II)

Gaining a taste for adventure, the real kind that actually kind of hurts, did not actually come about simply through me walking into a video store one day. Although that might make for a great joke (A guy walks into a video store…), now if only I could come up with a punch line. My desire for change that led me to view a video store with discomfort and frustration began about two weeks before that. It began surprisingly enough through my own parents.

Coming back from your worst semester of college ever is sort of like coming to anchor after months in hurricane-torn, shark-infested waters. And like a sailor who has spent too much time at sea in a boat, I had to regain some perspective and get my landlegs back. I had to chop off the wiry mane of hair, clean up the language that is more acceptable around rough and ready deck hands, and learn how to act like a civilized humanbeing again.

Suddenly this has become much less metaphorical.

Anyway, I had fallen so far off the map that even though I made an effort to crack open a Bible everyday, I was just flipping pages and gleaning nothing. I had all but forgotten how to study my own Bible. In my self-absorbed stupor I had been programmed to look at anything and everything as a tool that might be able to pull me out of the hole I had dug. It didn’t matter if it was a DVD, a friend or Scripture… things were only of use to me if they were able to make me feel better NOW.

Silly me, I had forgotten that Scripture doesn’t work like that.

Upon returning home for Christmas, it became immediately clear to my parents how far gone I had become and started to take measures of intervention. The first week I was back my dad sat me down for a much-needed verbal thrashing. My mom, however, always the yin to his yang, bought me an 8 week Bible study, so that I would regulate my study time and perhaps regain an understanding of how to study Scripture.

One of the first verses that I stumbled upon in the study was Matthew 6:33, “Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.” And suddenly it dawned on me that I was going about the whole operation backwards. I had spent all my time seeking MY kingdom and MY righteousness and hoping that all the “God things” would be added unto me later without all that nasty business of actually pursuing God.

Well that methodology had been working out GREAT for me so far. And by great I mean that it had driven me into one of the deepest depressions that I have ever known.

Aristotle was right, we are all looking for happiness, and the first 9 books of his Ethics are correct in deriving that happiness from relationships. But then Aristotle contradicts himself in book 10 where he all but denies the previous 9 books and says that man derives true and lasting happiness from sitting and being a thinking being like “god.”

This makes sense in a Greek mindset, because there is a disconnect in Greek philosophy. The world that they see around them is relational, but the god that they worship is a thinking god, not a relational one… so there is that tension woven into their very worldview.

But my worldview is NOT that way. I should know better. God has from the beginning of time been a relational God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. He knows what true joy really is. And here I was denying that He could REALLY know what true joy was. Because I wasn’t happy, I thought that He must not have known what He was doing.

It should have been a bit obvious what the problem was. I was not living as a relational being in a relational world, of COURSE I wasn’t happy. On top of this I was choosing my own will over the will of the ultimate relational being. Talk about dumb, huh?

It’s a bit humbling realizing that you’ve become the villain; that you’ve become one of those Pharisees who knows the Scriptures inside and out and yet derives absolutely no joy or truth from them, but only seeks to twist them to your own ends.

Plato’s analogy of the cave is very apt. After spending so much time in the dark of one’s self, coming out into the light of fellowship with God and other people really is like stepping out into the bright noonday sun after years in a cave.

And what you see in the sunlight, that is perhaps the most surprising thing of all.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Meanwhile...

So... yes, you may have noticed that I deactivated my Facebook account again... for like..... the third time in a year. I am making no promises this time. I may reactivate it within the week, I may not activate it again for a year. All I know is that my trips to the internet are much more peaceful and pleasant when I don't frequent Facebook. I've used a lot of metaphors to describe the infamous social networking site, as have many others... so I won't again. It's off for now, and that is that.

However, in other news, I am going to be keeping a better eye on this site as well as my Twitter (here). With Twitter I will be keeping you all up to date on my whereabouts as well as sharing bits like fun videos, and tasty bits of essays, quotes and Scripture.

On the blog the essays will be coming thick and fast. As I have said elsewhere, I am turning this whole Batman essay series into a thing, so the second should be following shortly. Soon to follow should be two essays titled "LOL! NERDS!" and "Baggage Sucks". I'll leave the rest up to your copious imaginations.

Till then!
JSTT