Showing posts with label forgetting yourself. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgetting yourself. Show all posts

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Halloween 2012


Iron Man is the decided favorite this year. I watch as several kids of every age, shape and color wander by in brightly colored yellow and red pads, complete with metallic coating. Cars meander along the streets following groups of kids with their mothers. Of course, instead of being creepy stalkers, the various mini-vans and SUVs house nervous fathers, keeping a watchful eye on their respective mates and broodlings. 

My neighbor hails me in a dark and grovelly voice that could only belong to a good ol’ Carolina boy who smokes too much. As if in response to this thought, he lights one up. It makes a sharp pin-prick of orange in the crisp October night. His wife mistakenly thinks that he is talking to her.

“Nothing, hon. Was just talking to the neighbor,” his rich baritone rolls across the yard, easily distinguishable from the laughs of children pervading the night. 

His wife (or possibly teenage daughter, it’s hard to tell) is completely decked out as a witch. Pointed hat, cobwebs, green paint, the whole 9 yards. She is perched beside an 8 foot tall ghost/skeleton, which twinkles with tiny LED lights. They definitely went all out this year, putting the other houses that “decorated” to shame. Various boney objects dot their yard, orange, white and black lights are strung across the porch, and one of the family members is jumping out at older Trick ‘r’ Treaters. I feel like I should give each small child that crosses their yard a round of applause. They EARNED that candy.

The first kids had come up and rang our doorbell a few minutes beforehand. Having never actively participated in Halloween before, let alone the annual ritual of Trick or Treating, I jumped at the chance to play a part. Remembering that I still had a Guy Fawkes mask in my van, I fished it out, secured it to my head and had plopped down on the white plastic chair already on the porch. Here I sit, holding a wicker basket full of chocolate, still as a post.

Another group of kids, chaperoned by several mothers who look more like shepherds than parents, are herded towards me. 

“Is it real?” The question seems to echo through the group, the moms just as curious as the little children. I let them creep closer, still unsure if the masked man holding the candy is friend or foe. Suddenly I realize the irony of the situation: Halloween, the one day a year where parents ENCOURAGE their progeny to accept candy from strangers. 

They are only about two yards away from where I sit now, and I decide the children have proven themselves brave enough. I whip off my mask, revealing that I am nothing more than a bespectacled nerd in a Hollister hoodie. The kids laugh at their own fear, internally berating themselves for being so frightened of something so harmless. Their pace quickens and they eagerly snatch candy from the basket in my hands. The mothers encourage courtesy:

“Say thank you!” Some of the youngsters oblige. Others look at me, take the candy without breaking eye contact and then retreat. All make it away safely with at least one chocolate bar. 

My fingers are getting numb; the last reminder of Hurricane Sandy. It’s unseasonably chilly for October in the OBX, thanks to the storm that thought it could. The cold front will probably linger until the truly cold weather comes in late November. Winter comes early this year.

Under my mask, which is once again secured to my head, my face is nice and warm. Condensation is collecting on the bottom most part by my chin, dripping onto my neck when the mask is covering my face, and trickling into my eye occasionally when I prop the mask up on my head. My glasses have started to fog up as well. 

I experiment with different ways of breathing to cut down the condensation. There are slits for my eyes, nose and mouth, but breathing normally immediately fogs up my glasses and wets my chin. In through mouth, out through nose? This seems to work better, obviously the nose holes allow for most exhaled air than the mouth hole does. In addition to clearing up the condensation, it adds a raspy, somewhat mechanical sound to my breathing... almost like I am some animatronic creation powered by steam which is only meant to LOOK like it’s real.

Another child approaches, a girl, alone save for her mother. They’ve just come from the house next door that could pass for a John Carpenter movie set.

“Are you scared?” the mom queries. The little girl, possibly 5, at most 6, emphatically shakes her head. I grin despite myself. Brave girl. I pull away the mask, revealing my pale cheeks, black rims and smile. She returns the expression and holds out her bag, walking forward, her arms completely parallel to each other and to the ground. She looks like one of those old time zombies... only much more gleeful and innocent.

Putting a small handful of candy in her bag, her mother thanks me.

“Have a nice evening!” I wish her the same, and they begin to make their way back to the street, lit by various colors of halogen bulbs and parents’ flashlights.

“Happy Halloween!” she calls back once more. The little girl waves as she makes her way to the next house. Just a guy in a suit. A nice man who smiled and gave me candy.

The grin stays on my face long after the two are out of sight. It may just be one night, but it’s worth it. The cold fingers, the neighbors with their redneck truck and elaborate decorations, the half empty basket of chocolate. I can forget about the election, the lies, the muckraking, the slander. I can forget about the storm, the lives lost, the damage done, the empty harbors. 

For one night I can interact with my neighbors in a way I never would. For one night I can bring joy and a few scares to little children. For one night I can watch as parents laugh, hold their offspring, and help them overcome their fears. For one night the doom and gloom passes away in the crackling autumn air.

For one night I can forget. And for one night... that’s enough.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

FEED ME! (Becoming an Adventurer Part I)

I spend a lot of time in video stores. I have probably spent hours upon hours in them; perhaps even as much time as a stay at home parent might spend at their local grocery store. This never struck me as abnormal until a day ago.

After 3 fun filled weeks with family and friends, the last week of my winter break was upon me and my family had all but returned to their everyday routine. Dad was back at work, the girls were headed out of town and my mom and her own dad were headed on a short holiday to DC. For the first time in 3 whole weeks I was going to be on my own again. Naturally I didn’t want to spend the majority of the next 48 hours alone in a big empty house, so I hit the town.

In between lunch and heading to a movie theater, I stopped in an FYE (For Your Entertainment). It is one of the largest I have ever been in, and I used to frequent it when I was a permanent fixture of the Hampton Roads area. Upon walking in I stopped and felt suddenly overwhelmed. It might have been that I was tired, or maybe I have just been hypersensitive about entertainment lately; but for whatever reason, when I walked in the door, I lost all desire to look for individual items, whether they were movies, music or video games. I was suddenly looking at the store as a whole, and all I could say was:

“Why?”

Why do we need stores that have as large a variety of movies as we do of food? In fact, there was probably a larger variety of sitcoms on DVD in that store than there are kinds of produce at the Farm Fresh around the corner.

Dizziness overwhelmed me as I realized that I had been part of this. I suck in movies often without thinking. Sure, I keep up a veneer of holiness to hide how much I am consuming, but that is something akin to a man who is 200 pounds overweight telling you that he only eats so much because he wants to tell you what kinds of food are good. He is not a cook, he is not demonstrating that he has actually learned anything about good food or how to make it… only that he enjoys eating and he does it with disregard to how it is effecting him.

The scary thing is that in America the way food and movies are sold and consumed is not so different anymore. A shiny, glossy cover can make a tidy little profit whether it’s carrots or Caddyshack. People buy Ho Hos and porn for the same reason… they taste good, even if they both make you feel like you want to vomit an hour after consumption. What is scarier is that an HBO show can now become “critically acclaimed” simply by containing gratuitous amounts of violence and sex, causing it be suddenly be “edgy” and/or “gritty,” even though underneath all that it is just another soap opera. This has already begun to bleed over into the world of food, with foods that are absolutely crap for you to eat getting actual stickers that proclaim that they have received awards like “BEST TASTING” or “CHIEFS’ CHOICE AWARD.” Yes… things are getting that ridiculous.

Just today I was returning some things to a Best Buy around the corner from me and got suckered into that very “ooh! Shiny!” syndrome that we all fall into so easily in the internet age. Do I not know that Satan is the Prince of Light? Do I not know that covers deceive? “That sin looks so hot!” one might say. And Mark Driscoll might retort: “Yeah… but so is hell.”

Anyway, I had all this money from the returns, so my consumeristic self decided that I show blow the money immediately. On what? Is always the next question. Well, it was new release Tuesday. (Yes, I am so consumed with my need for new stuff that I know that in the USA new movies, music and books are always released on Tuesdays.) The new HBO show Boardwalk Empire had just been released on DVD and a free preview of the show Game of Thrones came with it for a limited time. The covers looked pretty, Steve Buscemi was in it, it had won 8 Emmys. It must be good… right? RIGHT?

Well, I bought it and took it home, only to look up the content rating in IMDB. The show was filled with foul language… more than most R rated movies contain, full frontal nudity (male and female), and buckets of blood and brain bashing. On an HBO show? No way? You’ve gotta be joking! (/sarcasm)

I promptly went back and returned the DVD set and got the movie Moon instead, which I had actually been looking for for months and which was nowhere near an impulse buy. It still might have been better had I simply returned Boardwalk Empire and walked right out of the store, but there you have it.

And now I’m sitting here still thinking, “Why? Why has this been so important to me? How on earth did I let my standards drop so much? I almost exposed myself to… ick.”

And then I think a little bit more and I realize that I have been living vicariously through storytellers… like many of my peers have. We are too afraid to have our own adventures, so we watch other peoples’. And suddenly I come to a simple and yet monumental conclusion: it is time for me to have my own adventure.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Let's Get Thankful

Right now I am thankful for rock and roll in the morning that tells me "it's time to get up and GO!"

I am thankful that I have a place to come back to here on the east coast where I am welcomed by many open arms.

I am thankful for being able to study Greek on a holiday. (Wait, what?) Well, why shouldn't I be thankful? I am learning amazing things, like how to read the Scriptures in the languages they were originally written in. Why not praise God for that? (In all things give thanks.)

I am thankful for the computer that I so often hate, and usually with good reason. I am thankful that it lets me create and learn and then share those things with you.

I am thankful for wired electronics... they prevent a scatterbrain like me from loosing all of my gizmos. I am thankful for the endless fun I have untieing the knots that they inevitably end up in.

I am thankful for friends. Friend who forgive. Friends who love. Friends who care enough to go beyond the casual: "Hey, how's life" and actually want to know how you are doing and want to invest time in you. I am thankful for friends who will let you drink their gin, friends that will let you crash on their couch after a bad night, friends who will drive you to the airport at 3AM, friends who after 2 years of no conversation at all will just pick it up again like nothing ever happened.

I am thankful for school, after all, I'm paying for it... almost like I want to be here.

I am thankful for sisters who constantly let you know that you are loved and missed while you are thousands of miles away.

I am thankful for parents who always love to have you back at their house, no matter what has happened, no matter how long it's been, no matter what you've done, parents who still want you to call their home your home.

I am thankful that I am son the the Great King, the Creator of the universe, the Author of the Endless Russian novel, the Founder of the Deep Magic and Writer of the Hand Book. I cannot be crushed, because the King is my strength, He is my song, and He has become my salvation.

But what I am perhaps most thankful for this year is a lesson I just learned; the lesson of thankfulness. First thing I should lay down before I go further: Ephesians 5:1-4

"Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving."

Look at the last word there, thanksgiving. It is the attitude that trumps all the others. It is the spiritual fruit that kills all those sins. Of course this needs to be true thankfulness in Christ in order for it to work, but believe me... it DOES work. On my worst days it has been a struggle, but when I can get alone and go for a walk and just start talking freely... instead of whining I try to get thankful. Pray earnestly on your knees, think about what you have and how you have been blessed. Stop the "oh, I can't stand that teacher" and give thanks for that teacher. Stop being frustrated by what you don't have and look around at what you do have; give thanks for it. Mad at someone, thank God for them. Have a task to do that you really, really would rather not do, be thankful for how it will grow you up and prepare you for the challenges that you will face in your future.

Not thankful? Well there is really only one remedy: get thankful... then you will be thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving, gang!

Cheers and stuff,
JSTT

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Heart of Snow

Fingers cold
It's not snowing
Feeling old
But it's not snowing
Weak and weary
High of 70
Dark and dreary
Time to get out the paddles
Time to jumpstart the machine

The snow is somewhere else
But the drifts are piling up against my soul
The snow is miles away
But the sludge is plugging the holes
Time to melt it all
Turn the heaters on
God melt this heart of snow

I'd like to think I'm superman
That I'm the hero
That I'm the savior
But I'm nothing of the sort
Everyone builds themselves up so tall
So strong, so mighty
But they're nothing of the sort
They're nothing of the sort

Look inside, they feel it too
We all face our demons
We're all craven cowards
When the chips are down we all show our stripes
Kill your demons, burn your idols
Watch the future flower
Give up the power
The power you think you have

We're all chasing something
We're all chasing someone
We fight and fight and usually we fall
Because we bet it all
Without stopping to ask questions
Without leaning
Leaning
Leaning
Leaning
Leaning on the only One who matters
God the Savior
Lord the Maker

Go ahead, rail against my logic
Tell me I'm lost
Tell me I'm forgotten
I know it's a lie
And you know you lie too
Stop trying to stand up so tall
You just set yourself up to fall
Give up that heart of snow
And lean